July 29, 2014

a taste of life lately according to my iphone

i'm sure you've heard it from basically everyone already, but i can't believe july is basically over and taking with it the majority of the summer. it's been a fun month, reuniting with my mom, introducing her to wesley, hours spent outdoors, splash pads, trips to the canyon and far too many trips to target for summer essentials. wesley and i cannot bare to spend more then an hour inside so we keep finding ourselves anywhere but home. one day last week when i was feeling particularly cooped up we headed for the mountains and explored bridal veil waterfall. we dipped our feet in the cold water and enjoyed feeling the waterfall mist wet our clothing. having a baby makes you notice so much more beauty in everything. suddenly everything is so interesting and holds mysteries that itch to be discovered. i want him to explore and learn about everything. 
another favorite moment recently was getting together with some girlfriends for some much needed reconnecting. why does it sometimes feel impossible to stay in touch and socialize? every time we all get together we realize just how long it has been and desperately try to make plans for a sooner reunion, only to have the weeks (and more likely months) go by. wesley got to spend time with his friend sawyer. having babies with your girlfriends is such a blessing. five chatting girls, a basket of muffins and the sheer excitement of friends on a summer evening with no air conditioning required stripping the babies down to their diapers to help them cool off. 
i have complained so often how it is impossible for me to surprise jason with anything. it's usually because the anticipation of keeping a secret from him is just too much that i have to let it out and express to him how excited i am that i have something for him...well this time i pulled it off. kind of. he still found out twelve hours earlier due to twenty questions, but i was able to surprise him with a date completely planned by yours truly. we've been wanting to tube down the river for over a year or so and so i finally pull the trigger to make it happen. on jason's day off we dropped wesley off at my brothers so that we could enjoy three beautiful hours alone on an actual date! it was wonderful. there were a few bumpy moments on the ride. discovering how to steer a tube on water resulted in running into a tree and being knocked of the tube in the freezing water and missing our pick up point, which resulted in a mile and a half walk with no shoes...thankfully those sour moments weren't enough to spoil such a fun adventure together. we've already made plans for more like it. 
every morning requires a walk around the park with wesley to beat the summer sun in the afternoon. it is so fun to watch how interested he is in everything and how much he has grown in just the past couple of months. he no longer just lounges in his stroller, he has to lean forward with such anticipation and reach his tiny hands out for the chain linked fence that guards the park. he is the most persistent little thing i have ever encountered. when he wants something he will stop at nothing to get it. he can never stay still and is always looking for something new to discover. we are beginning to get a taste of his eager personality letting us know that we have our work cut out for us. 

changing to-do lists

the past couple of nights i've felt restless and uneasy. sometimes i just find myself overwhelmed for no reason. going over each day wondering how i could have better managed my time, what i should have accomplished and how i am falling short. so i get out of bed and find myself hovering over my sons crib and occasionally placing my hand in front of his nose to feel his breathe softly beat against my hand. you would think after almost eight months this habit would have disappeared by now, but if he sleeps more then seven hours without making a noise i have to make sure he is still breathing. it seems like such a silly worry. of course he is still breathing but lately i've been catching myself in a deep breathe and suddenly considering how long it has been since i have done that. is it possible to forget to breath? it must be because recently i've been catching myself taking a breath that requires immense effort. 

i'm not depressed or anxious, i think i am just overwhelmed with the daily tasks of being a wife and mother. these two roles that are seen as selfless occupations, but the truth is  we are fully aware of our exhaustion at the end of each day. like each person we are consumed with thoughts about ourselves. we day dream about enjoying some alone time with hot tea, warm baths, or cold ice cream. many of us are only able to find these moments in the middle of the night when everything is quiet. but even more, many of us are surprised by the fulfillment of the roles we play. learning to be realistic about what i can accomplish in a day has been difficult. lately my self esteem has derived from the number of check marks inked on the long to-do list that stares at me from it's hanging place on my fridge. but tonight it came from a sincere "thank you" from jason and a reminder that i'm not required to "do it all." so tomorrow there will be only two things on my list of to-dos, take a nap with wesley and paint my toenails that shade of pink that may be inappropriate for my age. 

July 22, 2014

nauvoo // carthage jail

Our last day in Nauvoo was spent visiting Carthage where Joseph Smith and his brother Hyrum were martyred. We got to spend the entire day with my mom since it was her day off. Visiting Carthage was a really neat experience. I went there about ten years ago when I was 14 years old and I remember feeling so overwhelmed with gratitude and renewed faith in the gospel of Jesus Christ and all that Joseph Smith has done for the world. The feelings were the same ten years later on my return. Anyone who is willing to give his life for his faith can and should be universally admired.

It was wonderful to be able to spend an entire day with my mom. She showed us around her favorite places in Nauvoo and told us so many stories she had learned about some of the early saints of the church while on her mission. I so admire her for putting her life on hold to serve the Lord. I know it was hard for her to leave her children and grandchildren but she felt called to do the work and was happy to serve.

Later that evening we got to watch her in another musical performance. I got plenty of videos and will probably be sharing them because they are just too cute not to. After the performance we all had to say goodbye because we had to get back to the hotel for a solid six hours of sleep before leaving for Utah early the next morning. We were all sad to leave her. Thankfully she doesn't have much longer before she will be on her way home! I am so grateful that I had the opportunity to visit her and watch her serve her mission so diligently. Now is back to the waiting game but two months will feel like nothing compared to the sixteen I had to wait before.
Miss you already mom! Can't wait until September!!